Thursday, April 27, 2017

#13 - The Fear

    As we get older, our fears morph into something way more realistic. When you were a kid, you probably fear monsters under your bed, ghosts, or other things that don't make sense. More of irrational fear towards unrealistic beings. As you get older, your fear changes into whether or not you pass SBMPTN, SNMPTN, whether you pass your job interview, whether your preferred career will put food on the table. These things have real impacts towards your life, and it makes you want to curl up in your bed and escape somewhere else.

    I'm at a point in my life where I fear I may not be able to have a decent job that pays the bill. I fear I may not be able to live up to my dream which is to work at a reputable news company as a journalist. This fear is making me uncomfortable at times. I know it's part of growing up to sometime settle for a job that may not be what you wanted or expected. But, I refuse to do that. I want to pursue my passion. 

"Isn't it scary to think you're not good enough to compete in this harsh world?"

"Isn't it scary that there is always someone more capable at something you thought you'd be best at?"

The real world is scary, but I refuse to give up on my dream. 

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

#12 - Sakit

Maaf, aku sedang sakit.
Tidak sempat menulis apa-apa.
Semoga besok sudah bisa kembali menulis seperti biasa.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

#11 - Perks of Dating Me

Since I have no idea what I should write, I'll just write this.

1. I'm independent.
2. I don't easily get offended, or jealous.
3. I'm a feminist. 
4. I won't give up on our relationship.
5. I believe in love, and commitment.
6. I'm funny, and spontaneous.
7. I'm straightforward.

Of course these are all subjective because it's how I see myself. You can ask my friends if you're not convinced.

Let me clarify by saying that this does not mean I'm looking to get into a new relationship. I'm a happy single, I'm discovering myself again. There were some parts of me I let go while I was in a relationship. This time since I don't have to invest on another person, I get to use 100% of my time on improving my quality as a living, breathing human being. 

Anyway, that's it. 
Have a nice week everyone, ciao!!!

Monday, April 24, 2017

#10 - The Benefits of Using Public Transportation (Listening to Ibu-ibu Talks about Their Lives)

Yesterday night, I needed to get home from Gereja St Antonius Kobar, like most millenials in big cities I chose go-jek. I made an order and waited around for a good 15 minutes. Sadly, the app wasn't able to find me a driver. I had an impromptu idea to use public transport. I mean it wouldn't be the first time I use it. I've been using public transport such as bus kota, trans jogja, kol kaliurang since I was in junior high. I mean, why not? Maybe I'll have a new story for my blog.

And, so I did.
I walked from Gereja Kobar to SMAN 3 where I managed to find tukang becak who was super nice to me. I didn't want to bargain so I agreed to his price demand which is 10k. He gave me a ride to Halte Trans Jogja located in front of RS Mata Dr Yap. I know, it's not that far but I don't want to walk, my aim is to get as much exposure as possible to public transport. It took 5 minutes to get to the bus stop. I paid 3.5k for the bus ride, a money well spent. I asked about which I route I should take to go to Kentungan (there's a bus stop there also, I know this because as a junior high student I would sometime use Trans Jogja, I could read or listen to music and feel like I'm in a movie while I'm sitting in the bus), and the employee told me I should take bus with 3B plastered on its front.

My phone is already turned off at this point. I didn't charge it, and only 1% of its battery is left. I waited for 10 minutes and the bus finally came. An interesting thing is I still enjoy using Trans Jogja. The bus driver and the person who's in charge of opening doors (mbak-mbak petugas jaga pintu, yang nanyain ada yang turun di halte (insert halte's name)-> kalau gak ada bus lanjut jalan) made me feel safe. One thing you don't always get is a friendly stranger. I sat next to ibu-ibu and she talked to me, then somehow ibu penjaga pintu joined in on our conversation. Ibu-ibu ini started talking about their kids, and the reason they're working till late at night (it was about 8.30pm) is for the sake of paying for their children's education touched my heart. In relevance to Hari Perempuan Sedunia I feel the need to write about these ibu-ibu who are real examples of strong career women. This also proves that our education system is flawed. They talked about how the price of educating young children keeps on rising each year. It's such a shame that only privileged kids are able to attend schools that provide them with above average education standards.

Arriving at my stop, I said goodbye to these friendly strangers and continued on my journey home. Next to the bus stop there's ojek. Bapak ojek gave me a ride home for 7k.
I know I spent more on ojek and becak than Trans Jogja that provides me with AC but considering their daily income is uncertain, I feel it's better for me to give them that sum of money.

I think people should try using public transportation, it's good for experience and seeing the importance of the existence of public transportation. I hereby, recommend it to everyone :).

Sunday, April 23, 2017

#9 - Bye

I miss everything about you.

I miss how happy you made me feel
But I don't miss how soul crushing our fights felt
I miss how it felt to have someone I could lean on
But I don't miss countless times you've let me down

I've come to a realization:
I don't love you anymore.
I'm moving on.
I don't need you in my life.
And I survived you.

Thank you.
I gave you a piece of me.
You gave me a piece of you.
We will never be the same.
One day, when we meet again treat me as though you never knew me.
Who I was when I was with you is no longer relevant.
I'm not the girl who was willing to do everything for you.
I'm an independent subject of my own values and ideas.

I'm no longer stuck on the idea of you.
I'm sorry but I no longer want to know about you.

I'm happy.
And, that's everything.

Friday, April 21, 2017

#7 - I'm Sorry

I'm sorry
I can't write anything good today
Extra tired.
I'll write better things tomorrow.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

#6 - Writing

    I love writing because it gives me an opportunity to express what's going on in my mind. My thoughts, and consciousness, I can write whatever I want. Not all my writings are going to be published. When I feel like there's nothing else I can do, no one to turn to I'll get a pen and start forming signs and symbols on paper, or type on my keyboard. The words that came out may not be perfect but at least they're sincere. Writing gives me creative freedom to do whatever I want. I could write a piece that's deep and meaningful, but in turn I could also write stupid, and random things that happened in my life.

    I kept a journal when I was going through my first heart break, that journal works as a way to remind me that I could get through it. Life doesn't end, and it represents a hope (although hope is an abstract concept). Maybe it's the gratification that I get from it. I gain pleasure when I write.

“Orang boleh pandai setinggi langit, tapi selama ia tidak menulis, ia akan hilang di dalam masyarakat dan dari sejarah. Menulis adalah bekerja untuk keabadian.” 

    If you don't want to be forgotten, you should write. Write about anything, and everything. Writing gives you a chance to be remembered by society. You don't need to write about complex subjects. Here's the thing, you're living now in 2017, just write about your daily life. It may not seem important but in 2117, people are going to wonder about what it feels like to live in 2017? Who knows your writing could win a Pulitzer in a hundred years.

    Writing gives your thoughts a way to be discovered by general public. You know that feeling you get when you read a writing you really like. When you read a novel, or a poem in which you think the author has same structure of thought as you? THAT'S WHAT I LIKE, that AHA moment when you get super excited to continue reading this once in a blue moon-amazing-wonderful book you managed to find. Don't you want your thoughts to be materialized and read by other people? Don't you want to share knowledge with your readers? That's why I think it's important for humans to write. 

Continue on writing, everyone!